Where is home? It’s a question I find that I ask myself sometimes. The answer, if there is one, is not all that simple either.
Neither is it complicated…I was born in India and spent the first years of my life there and although I was very young when we left India, I still remember living there and much of my family still live there. The bulk of my life was spent in England, where I went to school, spent some time on the terraces at Upton Park. I grew up in England and also started my own family there, as did my sister and brother, who still live in England. Writing this post today, I now live in Canada, with the family I started in England many years ago, it’s just the four of us here, though both my wife and myself have cousins here, our immediate families remain in England and India. So then where then is home?
Why am I writing this post? Well, it’s because, mainly, that there will be a trip back to England later this summer (currently, as I write, it’s mid-March) for a family occasion, where I will meet many people who I haven’t seen in a good while – friends, as well as family. It’s also been eleven years since I was last in India – in fact in the last eighteen years, I have only been back to India twice!!
This trip to England will also be coupled with a week in Portugal, a country I have never visited, my surname is Portuguese, though no part of me is. Generations back when my ancestors became Catholic they took the surname we have today, prior to that it was Dharmai and they were fishermen...a little of my family history for you!
On this trip to England and Portugal, I already know what gear I’m going to be travelling with – I’m going light, with two Fuji bodies, three lenses, my laptop and a couple of small portable hard drives. Did I not mention that there will be batteries, chargers, power supplies and cables as well! Anything electronic always has an entourage of necessary accessories! As I have written previously, it’s never a good idea to travel with new, untested gear, as I have done in the past. Not this time, I’ve been shooting with this gear for a while. I’ll write about my trip later, but for now, let’s get back to home.
This is really about thoughts and feelings…how they have changed as I’ve got older, but not wiser and things that I took for granted, a few hopes and also concerns, they will, no doubt, also play a part in the images I create.
Travelling when I was younger, was fun, thrilling, sometimes stressful (as you may recall, should you have read certain previous posts of mine) and I never gave too much thought to many things – yes there was a bit of planning, but I was never as concerned as I am today. It is a different world, and I am older and not without a few challenges to think about, though I must not let these challenges get in my way.
The first long, overseas family holiday was going back to India in 1975, it was a huge deal, and I remember it well. My dad bought our tickets in February and we went travelled back to India – I still remember on 2nd December 1975 on a Jumbo Jet – a Boeing 747. It was the first time going back to India since we left in 1968 and the first time for my younger brother who was born in England in 1969. It was a bit of a shock – arriving in Bombay, but that shock wore off quickly and I really enjoyed the trip – my dad shot transparencies on his Canonet QL19 – a rangefinder style camera and I still have the transparencies.
It was the coming back to our house in England…it was a little upsetting, all the rooms seemed small and cramped, it was winter and felt really cold after the hot sunny days of the past six weeks in India. There was another family trip back to Bombay in 1979, with the same feelings and emotions upon my return – I say “my”, as I’m describing my thoughts and feelings – I can only speak for myself.
Although I made other trips between 1979 and 1992, there were no more trips back to India for me – until 1992, when I went back alone - I was shooting images that I would display in London later that same year – it was exciting! Between 1992 and 1999 when I was married, I probably made a dozen or so trips back to India (three in the space of a year in 1998, when I met the woman, I would marry) …and I felt re-connected with my family there and the land of my birth, though, England was my home. Before moving to Canada in 2007 and after I was married in 1999, there were four trips back to India and only a single trip back to India since 2007.
We have been in Canada for sixteen years now and in that time, I have been back to England four times, this summer will make it five trips back for me. Settling down here was a challenge, but the great factor for my wife and I is that Canada has been a great place to bring up our children. Apart from trips to England (one also to Italy) and the single trip back to India, there have been a good few trips across to the USA and a few trips within Canada – though I will point out that I have seen almost nothing of Canada!
The single factor now, more than anywhere else, is that coming back to our home here, in Canada, has always felt great – and I really do mean that. It’s not because I’m no longer young and restless, because I still am – I have a huge desire to travel, see and experience different places and cultures – and of course photograph it all. But I am older and with age, for many people, comes the inevitable issues of health and I am no exception. On my last trip to India, I was (and still am) on medication for diabetes, the travel shots were not a problem, however, the anti-malaria tablets were. The combination with my diabetic medication caused bouts of vomiting and diarrhea, which only stopped when my wife realized what the issue was and I stopped taking my diabetic medication for the duration I had to take the anti-malaria tablets! These days one of my worries for travelling is my neck and back with I have constant problems with and require frequent and regular therapy. I’m sure that my problems are small and trivial compared to other people’s challenges. I am not complaining.
Travel although easily accessible today, is not easier, apart from the all the security issues, travel on airlines is certainly not the experience one would have enjoyed even a few short years ago. The number of restrictions seems to increase every year and I no longer take any enjoyment from making a flight as I used to do. It has become a chore, and an expensive one to boot!
Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not complaining, however, the days of not worrying about anything travel related have long since passed for me. Going on a trip now requires more thought (and insurance) and in the back of my mind there is a voice always advising caution. As I have written and said before, I have a huge desire to travel and photograph people and places and I know that when I do have the chance to do so, I must be mindful of how hard I push myself, remember my limitations, as I always want to be out exploring and shooting.
Three main countries I have mentioned here – India, England and Canada, have all been my home…but here’s the thing: when I travel back to India (the land of my birth), I am no longer seen as Indian, rather, someone who is trying to impersonate the English. In England, where I grew up and spent forty years, I am seen as Indian and in Canada, where I live now, I am seen as British!
I can, and do identify with all three countries, they all hold something special for me. India, will always hold a very special place for me, it is after all the land from where I am originally from. More than anything else, I am more British than anything else – having gown-up there and lived most of my life there, England has deeply imprinted itself upon me. Canada is home now, despite the year-round jobs of shoveling snow, mowing your lawn and raking leaves (it’s never ending!), I have become very accustomed to life here. It is also probably the place I have least seen, but have grown more as a photographer. It is as a photographer that I have enjoyed it the most, I have had more opportunities to shoot in India and England, but I have had to think much more here – and adapt!
Since writing this post a couple of weeks ago, Fuji have very kindly told me that they are going to lend me a X100v to take with me, if this happens, I will indeed take it with. I’ve been interested in the camera for a good while and I also think it suits my style of shooting and photography well, so I’ll be excited to try it. I’ll still take the gear I intend to use, the X100v will be one additional item and not hard at all to carry.
When I travel back to England this summer, I will be going home and I’m looking forward to having a great time there. Once the holiday is over, it will be back, for some serious review and post editing, to Canada and home!?! Someone help me, I’m a little confused.